Mr. Jefferson is Lying!

Mystery prompts writing! I'm teaching my class to write arguments using the same type of tight logic that lawyers need in a court case, and have found that mystery stories make great writing project inspiration.

Encyclopedia Brown Super Sleuth (2009) features a chapter called "The Case of the Patriotic Volunteer" in which a man in a flashy Uncle Sam costume gathers together the children of Encyclopedia's town. He tells them that as a personal acquaintance of the President of the United States, he has been commissioned to collect donations from the children of America for a new charity that will ensure that kid-generated government ideas are proposed to the legislature. Encyclopedia Brown weighs carefully the evidence presented by the costumed man, Mr. Jefferson, then announces that he is a fraud, but we don't get a chance to hear his explanation. The chapter ends simply with a question to the reader: How does Encyclopedia know Mr. Jefferson is lying? Below, three of my students finish Encyclopedia's speech for him. As you read, see if you can recognize the 7 elements of Toulmin's Argumentation Model:

• Claim
• Evidence
• Warrant
• Backing
• Qualifications
• Counter Claims
• Rebuttal

Student-Written Speeches:

By Edward Wang:
  
“Save your money, Mr. Jefferson might be from Washington D.C. but he never visited the president. He’s lying. I knew this right away as soon as he tried to avoid specifics. When people lie they tend to avoid specifics. The example that Mr. Jefferson showed was that when Mary asked if Mr. Jefferson wanted to take this to the news he said no. He refused this because he was aware that if he goes to the news station they will probably question his cause and probably figure out that he is lying,” The children watched Mr. Jefferson’s face which was normal pink turn to a sickly pale. Encouraged by this Encyclopedia continued, “Furthermore,  when Mr.Jefferson said that he visited the president often. Notice that he said that he lives in the Capitol building? The president doesn’t live there. He lives in the White House. When someone visits people they clearly should know where they live. Therefore , Mr. Jefferson don’t actually visit the president.” 

Mr. Jefferson sputtered, “Well what about the postcard of me and the presiden--” 

“You can easily photoshop that!” Encyclopedia fired back. 

“Well… well….. Yes I did photoshop it. I’m not really friends with the president. This was all a scam,” said Mr. Jefferson. He turned and ran away from the children and took the money with him. A few days later Mr. Jefferson noticed a knock on his door and when he opened it he saw the cops and was arrested for and also scamming.

By Laura Bai:

Save your money. Mr. Jefferson might be from Washington D.C., but he’s never visited the president. He’s lying. Why would Mr.Jefferson not want your parents to know? After all, he is telling you that he will take you to Washington D.C., and he doesn’t want your parents to know at all, he might just leave you all behind and take all of your money away. What would stop him? If you told your parents then he would have to actually take you to Washington D.C.. Also, Mr. Jefferson doesn’t want people to know about his charity. What charity doesn’t want the whole world to know? Real charity’s, would want everyone to know about it so they would get more money. If Mr. Jefferson only wants kids to know, don’t you think that it would be easier to steal your money and leave? Mr.Jefferson’s charity has to be fake. 
Yes, I saw the picture that Mr. Jefferson had of him with the president, but that doesn’t mean that it is real. What if it was a cardboard cutout, and he took a picture with that? Or maybe it was impersonator who was impersonating the president, and Mr.Jefferson took a picture with him? Sure, he may have taken a picture with the president, but that doesn’t mean they are best friends. Don’t give your money to him, his charity is fake.

By Sean Ge:

Save your money, Mr. Jefferson might be from Washington, D.C., but he’s never visited the president. He’s lying. First of all he states that the president, himself, sent him to do this; that’s very unlikely, it’s generally a branch of government that would get people to do this for them, a president would assign an organization to do it and the government officials hire people but they still have to prove their identification. Also, he says he told the president to sign him up as a volunteer while most broadcasts are radio stations or news, those broadcasting stations are organizations not solo people… Also to collect the money by himself rather than an organization is suspicious. Addition fact: some of those things like the idea “no more baths” do not need money; children do not have money or jobs, why would they have money to donate? Also, he’s asking for money is a jar...  Another fact is that he states “this news is only for children” which does not make sense. Plus pulling out a photo which to president, with him could be photoshopped. A badge or certificate to prove his identity would be more realistic than a photo. He also said, “I visit him and his family all the time in their home in the Capitol building.” with this in mind, you know he’s lying, the president lives in the white house or somewhere else like in the case with Donald Trump, the Capitol Building is where the Senate and the House of Representatives stay. He visited a town, not a city or a county…  But photoshopping is very difficult in this time period. Also his outfit is not some regular clothing, he is trustworthy. He has a picture with the president its the 1940s where do you get a photo with the president elsewhere? But, he can get that type of clothing anywhere, he can have it specially made for him to wear if he wanted. Last but not least, a warrant is needed to do this kind of fundraiser or at least some form of identification, like a driver's license or passport. Therefore he is lying and is guilty of a crime.  >:) (Mr. Jefferson will be arrested for doing something like this without proper truth, he is lying. This is not a way to do things. He will go through court and go to jail. But it’s still innocent until proven guilty)

Biggest Problem of My Life

Article Contributed by Jessie Chen, grade 8

One of the biggest problems going on in my life is that my bedroom is overcrowded. Every time I step into my room I think to myself, I really need to do something about it, but I never do. All my drawers are stuffed with colored pencils, pens, and stickers that I don't really use. I own two shelves, the tall one for books and the shorter one for my stuffed animals. The bookshelf is made of wood and has 5 layers. I tried to organize the books by author's last name like they do in the library, but gave up a day after I started. The extra books usually get stacked on the ground which sometimes trips me. The shorter shelf is a white one from IKEA. It has been moved around several times in my room since we moved in and now sits quietly under the window as the sunlight spills over it.  No matter how hard I try to shove my dolls and stuffed animals inside, they fall out. By now I have stopped trying and let the extra ones sit on the floor or on my bed, filling up portions of my overcrowded room. 

To solve this problem, I could try throwing the extra things away. This would clear my room and empty some of my drawers. However, this would be wasting perfectly fine toys, pens, and books. Instead, I could donate them. This would clear my room and at the same time, benefit the poor and put those things to good use. Regardless of the good this solution does, some of the extra things in my room mean too much to be donated. Most of them have been with me since I was a toddler. A few are even from my grandpa who passed away. To fix that, I will get a new shelf for my extra books and stuffed animals, and donate the colored pencils and pens that I don't use.

Problems

Article contributed by Laura Bai, grade 4

One of my problems is not knowing who to play with at school. For example, my friends always want me to play with them, but, because they are in different groups, I can’t be in all three groups at the same time. So now my friends are mad at me, because I don’t play with them. One group plays grounders, another plays Wings of Fire, and another plays infection (a type of tag.)

One possible solution could be taking turns playing with them at recess. However, Kendria and Zihan think that because I played grounders at the beginning of the year, I should play with them more than the other groups. (Kendria and Zihan play Wings of Fire.) So that wouldn’t work since my other friends wouldn’t be happy.

Another possible solution could be choosing which game I like most and sticking to it. However, I would get bored, and on the other hand, my other friends wouldn't be happy, so that wouldn’t work.

Another possible solution could be that I choose which one I like and play it most of the time and play with the others only when I want to. I will use this solution on school days from now on.

What I Think is Most Disgusting

Article contributed by Edward Wang

The thing that I find the most disgusting is soggy wet hair that is on the floor. I hate it because of the experiences that I have had. So, back when I was 8, I used to go to a swimming pool to swim. But the problem was that when I had to change, the stalls all had clumps of wet, soggy, and gross hair.The stalls were very small so there was barely any space to move in so I sometimes had to stand in a corner and try to change. Whenever I see clumps of hair, I picture them in my mouth for some reason and I get a really bad feeling that it's true, but when I check it isn't!!! And whenever I have to shower I have to dodge the hair. In order to do that,  I have to make a big hassle and sometimes I even trip on the hair. Also, I have big trouble at home too! When I shower at home, there is always hair in the drains and I have to lift them out of the drains. When I have to cut my hair I always have to be super careful not to step on any. Sometimes on the streets in China when it's raining for some reason there is a lot of hair in the puddles and floor. Now you know why I hate hair on the ground.

Process of Falling Asleep

Article contributed by Sophie Liu

A few months ago there was a night when I couldn't fall asleep. Even though this never happened again, I think this is a great example of my journey to successfully falling asleep. This happened a few months ago, when I had less homework to do. So, one day, I (finally) managed to be on bed earlier, at around 10:00 p.m. And I decided to fall asleep before 10:30, in thirty minutes. That, is earlier than my usual sleeping time.

At ten o’ clock, I am in bed with lights off. I squeezed my eyes shut hoping this will help my fall asleep. But my mind started wondering around, I flew out of my house, into the deep night sky… squeak! My bedroom door opened, it was a really loud sound to me at that time. My eyes flashed open, and I stared at the open door into the darkness behind them. “Mom?” I whispered. No answer. “Mom?” I said, this time louder. Still no answer. Okay then. That made me wake up completely. Did I just fall asleep, or almost fall asleep? Well, now I am absolutely awake. I check my kitty clock, it shines 10:15. Oh no! I have 15 minutes left. Again, I squeezed my eyes shut hoping my mind will go blank again this time. But it didn’t. I forced it to float out of the house and into the night sky, but it kept flashing back on stuff like potatoes, or math tests. I tried to force them out of my mind, but they kept coming back like endless flies. Then I thought of a bug killer… If, only if I have a bug killer for mind… I felt my eyes open involuntary and focused on my clock. 10:25 Great! Five more minutes. I lay there, staring at the ceiling. I. Want. To. Sleep!!!!! Closed my eyes, swear that I am not going to open them unless it’s tomorrow.  

I started counting sheep, my least favorite idea. That for some reason actually worked! The next thing I knew was sunlight shining on my face. Well I’d count that as a success. But did I fall asleep? If so, when? I hope I can fall asleep easier.

Homework: Is it effective? Is it healthy? Is it worth it?

Article contributed by Benjamin Lang

The Program for International Student Assessment (PISA) assesses over seventy-two countries worldwide in the academic performance of fifteen year olds in mathematics, science, and reading . In 2015, Finland ranked fifth with a mean score of 523. China ranked fourth, with a mean score of 524. Both countries scored similarly, however the amount of homework given in ether country varies completely. In Finland, students are assigned virtually no homework while in China, the average student spends fourteen hours a week completing homework. If such assignments are effective in improving academic performance, and Chinese students spend fourteen hours weekly on them, then Chinese test scores should have been much higher than those of the Finnish students. However, this is not the case. Therefore, a correlation between homework and test scores cannot be observed.

Homework is likely to be ineffective, time consuming, and a risk for students’ health. To begin, homework is almost certainly inefficacious and almost no correlation is shown between homework and test grades. In a study conducted at Issaquah High School among various students in different grade levels, no correlation between homework and test grades can be observed. Ten students ranging from ninth to tenth grade were interviewed and asked about their academic lives. Some questions included amount of the homework spent daily, GPAs, and amount of sleep. One student for example, Caileen, a tenth grader, reported to have ignored all homework assignments over the course of a semester. At the end of the first term, Caileen proved to be an honor roll student with a 4.0 GPA. However, at the beginning of the second semester, Caileen announced that she would complete all assigned homework. She was true to her word and proved to have completed all assignments. Surprisingly, at the end of the second term, her GPA lowered to a 3.9. Therefore, a correlation between academic performance and homework cannot be observed, because Caileen’s GPA was actually higher when she ignored the assignments.

In addition to the ineffectiveness of homework, it is also time consuming as well. On average, students in the study spent three hours on homework per day. With many extracurricular activities, there is little time for relaxation or breaks that many high school students need. For instance, Tara reported spending an average of five hours on homework daily. On top of that, Tara participates in and teaches dance for a total of three hours every day and also plays flute in band. With her many outside activities, she has little time for homework, much less free time. According to Psychology Today, students retain information almost forty percent better when a fifteen minute break is taken per hour of studying and homework. But with an abundance of outside activities and a pile of homework, there are not enough hours in the day to make room for relaxation and study session breaks. Moreover, this trend can be seen across students at all grade levels. Cole also reported spending five hours on homework every day. But practicing euphonium for band and attending daily baseball practice consumes so much time that even though he spends five hours of homework, it is not enough for him to complete assignments on time. In fact, upon interviewing, Cole asked, “Can you hurry this up? I'm trying to finish my work.” Ideally, homework is a quick practice to build upon skills learned in class, but this study fails to provide evidence to support that such principle is properly executed at Issaquah High School. Instead, the study reveals that homework in reality is a time consuming task that many students do not have the time for.

Since homework is extremely time consuming, it directly affects students and their physical health. The National Sleep Association recommends that the minimum requirement of sleep for adolescents is eight hours. However, the study at Issaquah High School found eighty percent of students fell short of the national recommendation by two hours or more. Instead, the median high schooler sleeps for six hours at night. Sleep deprivation can lead to long term health effects such as memory loss, decreased metabolism, weakened immunity, high blood pressure, and a higher risk of diabetes and heart disease.

In the study, all students reported that if there were no given homework, they would sleep for at least eight to ten hours. For instance, Tara claimed to have slept an average of four hours daily. With this constant sleep deprivation, it is without a surprise that Tara feels “dead inside”. Without homework, she says she would be able to sleep for eight hours a night. Since homework takes a big part in a student’s schedule, homework eats away at a good night's sleep. Students are under a constant health risk as long term sleep deprivation is extremely detrimental to one’s well-being.

 At first glance, homework may seem as a necessity for students. However, with further investigation and research, homework is to have found to be ineffective in improving test scores and academic performance. On top of that, homework also creates an environment of long hours of study sessions that result in exhausted, sleep deprived students. In fact, once Finland abolished homework in 2012, the average PISA test scores increased by eleven points. Many studies find that homework is a negative aspect of students’ academic careers. According to the Finnish ambassador, formerly a chief inspector of schools, stated that before education reforms, only ten percent of students continued education after eighteen. However, after 1970, when Finland began education reforms, including the abolishment of homework, over sixty percent of students enrolled in high education. Following the abolishment of homework, researchers observed the increase of test scores, and the overall health and well being of students greatly improves. Yet, still, despite all the research and evidence, homework remains to be a large portion of a student’s academic career.

Haiku

Restaurant Review by Laura Bai

Have you ever been to Haiku? Well, it's the best restaurant ever! It's the best restaurant because, well, in other restaurants you have to wait to get your food, but in Haiku the instant you get in and get a table, you can go and serve yourself. It's one of the reasons that Haiku is the best restaurant. If I compare Haiku and Dung Tai Fung (also an Asian restaurant), I would say that it is a hard choice, like Dung Tai Fung has some better food, but Haiku has better deserts then Dung Tai Fung. I say Haiku is better.

Now another reason that Haiku is the best restaurant is its deserts are the BEST. for example, the best deserts are the marshmallows that you can dip in the chocolate fountain, another best and delish desert is the ICE CREAM! You probably think boring, but there are multiple choices of ice cream, like Green Tea, honey (probably gone) and best of all, Rainbow! But the best desert is the cotton candy, because the flavors are blue rasberry, strawberry, all mixed up plus grape flavor, that is why Haiku is the best restaurant.

McDonald

Restaurant Review by Max

McDonald tastes okay. I think it tastes okay becuse the food there has to much oil in it but it costs a little. It also tastes like sour and sweet. When you are there you see alot of kids and some grown-ups. It is a little noisy too. The food is also soft. The foods smells good too.

I think the food there tastes good. You also don't have to wait in line long. The drinks taste good too. This morning I had Fanta orange it tasted good.

That's why I think it tastes good.

Subway

Restaurant Review by Jessie Chen

Name:Subway

Rating:⭐

  Subway, taste exactly like it sounds. Dirty, cold, inedible, stale, I could go on for days with this list of why Subway is disgusting but that would just be a total waste of time. Put aside the food, the environment of those tiny little space their restaurants just makes you want to leave the second you enter. The first time i had subway, I just got off a plane from Toronto. The sun was just starting to set and we haven't had anything to eat after our tiny portioned breakfast at 7 am.Cold air was blowing outside and we were starving so me and my mom entered the nearest  restraint there is, Subway, which was a terrible choice.

  

The tables were covered in garbage, which's reason I saw two seconds after, the garbage bin was full. It clearly have not been emptied in at least 2 days. I can see the moss growing on them. The waitress's manner was terrible. She looked like she would pay anything to be elsewhere, was being really mean, and didn't bother to say anything like please, have a good day, enjoy your meal, or anything at all. In fact, I don't think she said a single word other than signing once in a while. Another time, when i took a bite into the ice cold sandwich, I tasted something sweet, salty, bitter, spicy, and sour at the same time. Then, when i took my second bite, I I felt something wired in my mouth that i can not swallow. When i took it out, guess what? it was a piece of hair! I can not believe these guys! About two month ago, my skating class ran late and i was going to be late for this class, My mom bought me a Subway to stuff in my mouth in the car.  My tooth almost fell off when i bite it, The bread was hard as stone and it tasted so stale! In the end, I strongly advice you to be wise and never give your money to the Subway guys. 

Frying Fish

Restaurant Review by Ray Zhao

Name of Restaurant: Frying Fish

Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐

Location: 1915 140th Ave NE, Bellevue, WA 98005

    Have you ever been to Frying Fish? It is a great restaurant that I would say is a four star. The only reason that it isn't a five star in my opinion is because it has a fish that is way to spicy in my opinion. I think that it would become  five star if it made that fish a little less spicy.

    Also, it has some exotic deserts, like fried ice cream. It is basically ice cream in a spring roll. I gobbled it up. It also has steamed buns dipped in sour milk that is smooth and creamy. Finally, it has great pig blood. The pig blood has just the right amount of spiciness in it.

    In conclusion, this is why I think Frying Fish is a good restaurant. It is always a treat when I get to go there. So next time your parents don't know what to eat, say, "Lets go to the epic restaurant Frying Fish!"

Panda Express

 Restaurant Review by Sonya He

      4.5 stars

      The Panda Express located at 119 Bellevue Way NE, Bellevue, WA 98004 had great prices on foods, they were affordable yet delicious. The foods tasted just like Traditional  Asian food, they did not taste too greasy like most food at other Asian restaurants, instead, they had a mild taste which was not too light or too greasy.

      They also had an fine environment, it was not the cleanest and neatest, but it was not too dirty. It was not quiet, but not too noisy either. 

McDonald's

Restaurant Review by Boya Zhang

Don’t you always go to Mc Donald’s? Do you think it’s good? Well, here’s my advice: Mc.Donald’s is horrible! “No, everyone likes it,” you must be thinking. Well that’s just because they see cheap little ads and toys for Mc.Donald’s. Think about it. Do 5 star restraunts have ads? Of course not! Do famous restraunts like Roy’s have giant poles with their logo on it? Do they even HAVE a logo? Not many! That’s because their food is good, while Mc.donald is only famous because of cheeky ads and toys. In reality, Mc.Donald’s food is sooooo nooby compared to other restraunts. The meat looks weird, the vegetables are slight brown, and the fish fillet tastes strangely like chicken. I also heard that the French fries are boiled, frozen, cooked, frozen, then boiled again! The chicken nugget, when held under the microscope, has unidentifiable black and white things in it. It is even meat? When every time I go there, I end up with a severe stomachache. The food even FEELS weird! Mc.Donald’s is so bad it is BANNED in Europe! Even my school’s food is better than Mc.Donald’s! “Trash.” Edward says. It’s always very dirty and noisy, too. Why do they place the play structures next to the dining tables? It’s sooo annoying listening to little kids run around and shout when you’re trying to eat. Also, some kids don’t even wash their hands after eating and go straight to the play area. As a result, rather play area ends up covered in grease. Do you still like Mc.Donalds? Well, if you have any common sense, do not go to Mc.Donalds.

McDonald's rating:  0 out of 5 stars.

Why Organize? Meta-Write

Meta-writing means writing about writing! Let's do some right now.

Consider the quotations below. Then free-write for a few minutes on the topic of organization. What is the first quote saying? What is the second one saying? Can you draw any connections between them? In your opinion, what do these statements have to do with what it takes to be a good writer?

Organizing ahead of time makes the work more enjoyable. Chefs cut up the onions and have the ingredients lined up ahead of time and have them ready to go. When everything is organized you can clean as you go and it makes everything so much easier and fun. (Anne Burrell, chef)

 Sometimes we let life guide us, and other times we take life by the horns. But one thing is for sure: no matter how organized we are, or how well we plan, we can always expect the unexpected. (Brandon Jenner, musician)

Source: Brainyquote.com

Chipotle

By Leo Zhu

Mexican food. Yummy! There's Taco Time, Taco Bell, Qdoba, and more, but the best Mexican food restaurant is . . . Chipotle!  "There are many restaurants to choose from but which should I choose?" I say to myself. "Maybe Taco Ti--wait. Mom has eaten at Taco Time." Before I was born, she ate at Taco Time and it was bad. My mom said the taco was so hard she couldn't even chew it! Also the meat was mushy. Worst of all, the rice tasted artificial.That was the last time anyone in our family went to Taco Time.

Speaking of rice, Chipotle's has flavor, unlike Taco Time's tasteless rice. Chipotle's rice is perfectly seasoned with fresh cilantro and is not oily. It also has a nice strong, earthy, ricey, flavory kick to it. Other restaurants have rice that makes you feel like you don't want to eat anything again and the thougth of food makes you dizzy, however, Chipotle's rice makes you want to eat more! Chipotle's rice is like a Mona Lisa. The mystery is not Mona Lisa's smile, but why the rice makes me smile.

At Chipotle they serve tacos, burritos, burrito bowls, and quesadillas. The restaurant is like Subway, but a Mexican restaurant. You can build your own burritos, bowls, and tacos. The burritos are like little packages of delight! Lastly, the atmosphere is very friendly. It stands out from a normal Taco Time or Taco Bell. And the staff are always quick and get orders correctly. Furthermore, they always smile, which gets you smiling before you eat. This is why Chipotle is the best restaurant.

Transition Words and Phrases!

Transition Words and Phrases for Academic Writers

Transitions help you organize your thoughts with a clear, logical flow. Refer to this list as you write. Consequently, you’ll develop an intelligent, educated, I-know-what-I’m-talking-about writing style. Because we are using formal or semi-formal voice, this list does not include casual transitions (e.g. “plus,” “anyway,” or beginning a sentence with “so”). Don’t be afraid to experiment. Use terms you’ve never used before. In order to do so correctly, consult a source such as a dictionary or a search engine for examples. Then ask a more experienced writer for help. In addition to studying these words as you write, you should try to identify them in the books and articles you read. Can you find the transitions in this paragraph?

To clue you in on when and how to use these terms, I've arranged them by organizational strategy: time, sequence, place, comparison, contrast, explanation, examples/elaboration, cause and effect, concession, subordination, and summary/conclusion. This list is by no means comprehensive. Comment below to add any transitions I've missed! 

Time

after a few days

afterward

as long as

as soon as

at last

at length

at that time

at the same time

before

before long

earlier

following

formerly

from now on

from then on

immediately

initially

in the meantime

in the past

lately

later

meanwhile

now

presently

previously

prior to that

shortly

simultaneously

since

so far

soon

subsequently

suddenly

temporarily

then

thereafter

until

when

while

Sequence

again

also

besides

finally

first . . . second . . . third

furthermore

last

moreover

next

next in importance

still

then

too

in addition to

in the first place

another

first of all

Place

above

across

adjacent to

around

behind

below

between

closer to

elsewhere

far

farther on

here

inside

near

nearby

opposite to

outside

over

there

through

to the left/right

under

Comparison

again

also

in the same way

similarly

in comparison

equally important

or

in addition

in like manner

in similar manner

Contrast

after all

although

but

conversely

even though

having said that

however

in another sense

in contrast

in spite of

instead

nevertheless

nonetheless

notwithstanding

otherwise

on the contrary

on one hand . . . on the other hand

regardless

still

then again

though

whereas

yet

Explanation

in order to

in other words (i.e.)

that is to say
to

to put it another way

to that end

Examples/Elaboration

after all

another thing to remember

as well as

besides

coupled with

even

for example (e.g.)

for instance

further

furthermore

incidentally

importantly

in addition

in fact

in other words

in particular

likewise

moreover

namely

notably

not only . . . but also

not to mention

particularly

significantly

specifically

that is

the following example

too

to give an illustration

to illustrate

to say nothing of

Cause and Effect

accordingly

as a result

because

cause

consequently

for this purpose

for this reason

hence

if . . . then

in order to

so that

then

therefore

thereupon

thus

to this end

Concession

although it is true that

accepting the data

admittedly

after all

and yet

at the same time

despite this

granted that

in any event

in light of

in view of

it may appear that

naturally

nevertheless

nonetheless

notwithstanding

of course

perhaps

with this in mind

Subordination

albeit
although

as

as if

as though

because

if

though

unless

until

when

whenever

whether

while

Summary/Conclusion

above all

accordingly

add to this

as a result

as has been noted

as I have said

as mentioned earlier

as we have seen

all things considered

altogether

briefly

consequently

finally

for these reasons

hence

indeed

in any event

in brief

in conclusion

in other words

in short

in summary

more important

of course

on the whole

that is

therefore

thus

ultimately

The Six Traits of Writing

To strengthen our writing muscles, we need to focus on technique. I'm talking about this awesome stuff right here:

Ideas
The ideas in your writing should keep the reader interested and show deep thinking. Stay on topic. Establish a clear main idea, and use supporting details. Give clear explanations that keep the reader from getting confused.

Organization
Organize your writing in an appropriate form. Make sure your work has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. Your ideas should be sequenced in an organized manner with transitions that make sense. Each paragraph should have a main idea and supporting details.

Voice
Your style should match your purpose and audience. Whether the writing is formal or casual, your personality must shine through as intelligent and expressive. No boring spots!

Word Choice
Use vivid, but natural language. Your choice of words should be intelligent, creative, and appropriate for your audience.

Sentence Fluency
An easy flow and sentence sense make the text a delight to read. Sentence lengths and structures vary. No awkward sentences, run-on sentences, or sentence fragments.

Conventions
Good writers show excellent control over spelling, punctuation, capitalization, and grammar. There should be few or no mistakes.



As a teacher, I love to use these Six Traits of Writing standards when I grade. It keeps me focused on what matters, and prevents me from merely inking coded red messages all over student work. When you evaluate your own writing, take time to consider these traits. Discover your strengths; find ways to sprout and augment them. When you discover an area of weakness, make a goal for improvement and track your progress.

Comma Controversy! Incorrect: "I swing bats, and squish spiders."

Commas are a matter of style, hence they are a never-ending, circus-like bowl of jiggly, jolly controversy. One teacher will tell you your sentence needs a comma; another will tell you to leave the comma out. That's because style manuals like MLA, Chicago Manual of Style, The Blue Book of Grammar and Punctuation, etc. have developed individual standards. Publishers and publication companies choose a style guide and stick with it.

For today, let's follow the rule used in Chicago Manual of Style, and The Blue Book of Grammar and Punctuation.

Concept A.
Incorrect: "I swing bats, and squish spiders."
Correct: "I swing bats and squish spiders."

No comma is needed for this sentence, because the "and" conjoins a combo verb (AKA compound predicate). Notice that the person doing the action (the subject) is only mentioned once, before the first verb. Today's combo verb is "swing and squish." If the subject does not appear in front of the second verb, do not use a comma.

If the person doing the action were mentioned before both verbs, you could use a comma, as in:

Concept B.
Correct: "I swing bats, and I squish spiders."

On the other hand, although we usually use a comma to separate two clauses joined by a coordinating conjunction ("and"), some editors will tell you not to use a comma for Concept B, because you can omit the comma if the clauses are both short. So, I should have written,

Concept B. (Take Two)
Correct: "I swing bats, and I squish spiders."
Also Correct: "I swing bats and I squish spiders."

Weak writing: "He ran quite speedily." Powerful writing: "He bolted."

Weak writing: "He ran quite speedily."
Powerful writing: "He bolted."

Even back in the mid-twentieth century, beginning at least as early as the publication of Strunk and White's The Elements of Style, smarty-pantses knew that descriptive writing was about choosing powerful, accurate

Nouns and Verbs,

not about piling on adjectives, adverbs, and qualifiers.

Don't say, "I ate it, and it was very good," say, "I plunged in my spoon, and devoured the feast."

As a human, you probably limit yourself to your favorite 800 or so words. But I know you can do better. As you check over your writing, find a noun or a verb that looks too simple, or too general. Then use a thesaurus to find something that hits the mark, something that expresses your idea with more force and truth than what you had thought possible.

This will also help you write concisely. Get straight to the point. Why say it with many words when you can say it with few?

Putting ideas together can be such a pain.

Organizational Strategies to the rescue!

Good writers aren't organized by accident. They keep these strategies in their tool belts, and use them to outline their work. Organizational strategies* are diving boards--choose one, and give it the old bounce and dive. You'll find that it sets you in the right direction, simplifies your task, and pushes you to discuss your topic in greater depth than what you might have done had you merely jotted down your immediate, unplanned thoughts. Consequently, it's a cure for writer's block! Next time you write, consider

A. focusing on one strategy as the structural skeleton for your project

OR

B. using several of these strategies together to create a structural plan unique to your needs.

Organizational Strategies

1. General-Specific-General
2. Cause-Effect
3. Compare-Contrast
4. Connection-Distinction
5. Time Sequence (chronological or otherwise)
6. Spatial Sequence
7. Claim-Reason-Example-Elaboration
8. Problem-Solution
9. Topic-Description
10. Concept-Definition
11. Classification

These structural forms often overlap, or work together simultaneously in one work. For example,

a novel comprised of time-sequenced events follows the efforts of a character seeking a solution to her problem. In one chapter, the author describes several characters one by one, according to the spatial order of their homes on the street. Throughout this description, he draws connections and distinctions among the characters. The cliff-hanger at the chapter's end is a mysterious phenomenon, the cause of which may be found only in the next chapter.

*Organizational Strategies are sometimes referred to as "Text Structures."

Incorrect: "They sold the tickets to Chantal and I."

Concept A
Incorrect: "They sold the tickets to Chantal and I."
Correct: "They sold the tickets to Chantal and me."

Does that surprise you? If you're like me, this might be making your head itchy. I know how to make you feel better.

The Thumb Test!
Cover "Chantal and" with your thumb and read each option aloud. "They sold tickets to . . . me" vs. "They sold tickets to . . . I." Now you can hear and see that "me" sounds better than "I."

But why didn't it sound right before? Sometimes we feel weird saying "me" in combination with another person's name. That's probably because we confuse Concept A with a rule most of us know very well:

Concept B
Incorrect: (Hillbillie accent) "Me and Chantal done bought the tickets."
Correct: (English Butler accent) "Chantal and I bought the tickets."

But look carefully at the difference between the two concepts. Concept A puts you and your friend Chantal at the end of the sentence, after the verb. You two are part of the predicate, you're the indirect objects of the verb. In other words, you are not doing the action of the sentence (selling tickets), you are receiving it. 

In Concept B, you and Chantal come before the verb. You're doing the action of the sentence, which makes you two the subjects of the sentence. When using pronouns, double-check your writing to make sure your subject is a subject pronoun, and your object is an object pronoun.

Subject Pronouns (Doing the action of the sentence). AKA Nominative Pronouns

I, you, he, she, it, we, they


Object Pronouns (Receiving the action of the sentence). AKA Objective Pronouns

Me, you, him, her, it, us, them


Any questions? Okay, great. Bye--have a nice day!
 . . . unless you're ready for the . . .


BONUS ROUND!
Subject pronouns are not always at the beginning of the sentence, and object pronouns are not always at the end of the sentence. Pronouns that follow state of being verbs like "is" or "seem" are often subject pronouns as in:

(Phone Call) "Hello, may I speak to Beverly?"
"Yes, this is she."

We'll talk more about this one later. :)

Incorrect: "James' friend" (the singular possessive)

Incorrect: James' friend.
Correct: James's friend.

"James' friend" would mean that there are several Jameses, and that the friend in question is one all the Jameses share in common. That's probably not what you want.

"James's friend" is a friend of James. That's the one you want. Form the possessive of singular nouns by adding

's

even when the singular noun is a name that ends with "s."

EXCEPTIONS
(The possessives of ancient deities or prophets)
Isis' temple
Moses' Laws
Zeus' whim

Citing Evidence (What Not to Do)

Once upon a time, a young prince named Ben decided to write an essay. "I need facts!" he proclaimed. So he went into the mysterious internet to hunt for evidence that would support his argument. As you can imagine, it was easy to find quotations, examples, and even statistics that favored his side of the issue; he gathered it into his arms. "I shall have no trouble carrying this home," he thought.

But along his return journey he stopped suddenly, spying something rise from the bushes. It was a haggard peasant woman, raising a crooked finger. "Ah yes," she said, "you might be able to persuade with that fluff, but it has no substance." Then she opened her mouth, and swallowed his findings in a single, empty bite. "Delicious," she muttered, "I love cotton candy."

Let's pause here to look at the difference between persuasive writing and argumentative writing.

Persuasive Writing is the version you probably learned first. It's an exercise in expressing an opinion, and compelling an audience. As in argumentation, the writer makes a claim, and supports it with reasons and evidence, but unlike argumentation, persuasive writing allows for a broad range of support that includes unverified personal anecdotes, a good deal of pathos, and facts from brief, shallow research. In many situations, it's a perfectly appropriate approach to writing (such as when you want to convince your parents to let you borrow the car Saturday night). However, sometimes I feel disheartened when I see politicians and media reporters take this approach in addressing important local, national, or global issues. The writing makes use of pathos and logos, and the structure often looks like this: Claim-Reasons-Evidence.
Argumentative Writing Whereas persuasive writing is audience-focused (all about convincing the reader to do or believe something), argumentative writing is truth-focused (all about examining a topic to show what truth you believe emerges naturally from the available evidence). This requires more thought and preparation. If you've already mastered persuasive writing, you're ready for this. An argumentative writer, being human, can't help but begin with an opinion, but as he dives into his research, he studies the issue from all sides with a willingness to question his original view. As an argumentative writer writes, she displays her extensive research, carefully cites evidence from qualified sources, interprets data from a knowledge of the full context, and addresses the opposing view. Here's how a teacher at Smekens Education puts it:

It's a debate! There's no easy answer--that's why it's an issue. What are the valid points [the other side makes]? You give them space. It's pro/con. And because you give them space, your voice, your tone, stays respectful and tactful. You're not gonna woo them by putting them down, you're gonna woo them because you have more data to support your side. (http://www.smekenseducation.com/Argumentative-v-Persuasive-Writ0.html)

This show of expertise and fairness establishes ethos. While argumentative writing allows for a little pathos, writers put most of their focus on logos, arranging their research and reasoning in way that leads the reader through a natural, logical train of thought.* The writing makes use of logos and ethos, and the structure could be either Claim-Reasons-Evidence, or Claim-Evidence-Reasons.

Now back to our story.

Why did the old woman eat Ben's research?
In what way was Ben's research like cotton candy?
What do you recommend Ben do on his next project?
Is persuasive writing bad?

See also: This ReadWriteThink document. and This ReadWriteThink article.

*A note about the "Argumentative Essay" portion of  the AP English Language and Composition Exam. Because this is a 40-minute essay, the AP Exam judges don't expect you to have conducted extensive research on your topic before reading the essay prompt. As you write, establish ethos by making text-to-world, and text-to-text connections, albeit without specific source citation. And feel free to use personal experiences as evidence. Rather than relying on a specific resource for this type of argumentation, writers delve into knowledge they've gained from a lifetime of reading and experience to study and discuss the issue, and yet the focus is not on grasping for proof to support your opinion, but to form a claim based on an exploration of all the evidence you have.

Incorrect: "I laid in bed last night, unable to sleep." (Lie vs. Lay)

Incorrect: "I laid in bed last night, unable to sleep."
Correct: "I lay in bed last night, unable to sleep."

Lie, lay, laying, lying, lain, laid--Aaack! This one haunts me. If I have trouble with it, I can imagine many of you do, too. Even if you memorize the difference in meanings, you may not be able to remember the conjugations for each tense. Don't worry about it. Come back to this blog any time you need to double-check.

"Lie" means "to recline." 

Present Tense: lie or lying, as in "He always lies down for a nap in the afternoon."
Past Tense: lay, as in "He lay down yesterday at 10:30 a.m."
Past Participle: lain, as in "The sword has lain there for many years."

"Lay" means "to set something down."

(You must to include the "something," A.K.A. the object of the verb.)

Present Tense: lay or laying, as in "The hen is laying eggs."
Past Tense: laid, as in "I laid my pen there this morning."
Past Participle: laid, as in "I have laid out all the paperwork."

BONUS ROUND:

Question: If lie means to recline, shouldn't that traditional prayer say, "Now I lie me down to sleep," rather than "Now I lay me down to sleep"?

Answer: No, "Now I lay me down to sleep" is correct, because the speaker is saying that he or she is setting themselves down to sleep. The direct object "me" clarifies that "lay me" is being used to mean "set myself down." If you removed the "me," you would need to say "lie" rather than "lay," as in "Now I lie down to sleep."

Testament to Topaz: WWII Internment, Oppression, and Art

This blog post is a photo and written word collage containing the following elements:

• Photographs I took (with permission) during my visit to the Testament to Topaz exhibit, which was displayed at Pioneer Theater on University of Utah campus March, 2011. The exhibit held primarily artwork created by those California residents forced to reside at Topaz, the Japanese American internment camp in Southern Utah, during World War II. The art pieces belong to the J. Willard Marriott Library Special Collections Department, and the Topaz Museum, Delta, Utah.
• Facts quoted from exhibit posters and the Topaz Museum website.
• Quotations from a couple of my favorite books by Japanese-American authors, The Strangeness of Beauty (set in Japan and California in the 1930s) by Lydia Minatoya, and When the Emperor Was Divine (set in San Francisco and Topaz Interment Camp in the 1940s) by Julie Otsuka.

Approach this blog post the way you would a museum. Browse. Take a few moments to ponder who these artists were, what they experienced, and how they responded.

Rain (by Megan)

Sprinkling,
Trickling,
Patting faintly--
Gently,
I come.
Light and frothy,
Pretty, musical
I play ever so softly
With wind chimes and rooftops.
I gather coolly over time:
In you hair,
On your arms,
Delicately--upon the tips of your lashes.

I thicken,
Grow steady,
Follow the beat of your heart.
I am mellow, but I am heavy,
I stir up earthly scents
And thoughts.
I seep through your shirt,
Darkening it's color,
As I darken the sky.

I rhythmically prance
On a forgotten tarp
Within reach of
your cold ears
limited reception.

I now pound.
I pour.
I thrum deep into your bones.
I fall in icy sheets.
Tumbling off wetted roads.
I let out low, rolling laughter
You know
by another name.
Flooding holes,
Lawns,
What was not long ago--
Empty air.
I soak you to the core . . .

And leave as quickly
As I began.

Snow (by Megan)

A flurry of falling stars--
dancing, floating
downward onto shoulders,
lashes,
my outstretched hands.
Each a wish come true,
a long-awaited letter,
the return of a friend.

They gather
and dress the world.
They cap each fence post,
wrap each branch in priestly robes,
and cloak the kneeling mountains.

The season of hope
has arrived.

Drawing Courage (by Megan)

Sword in hand,

the knight charges forward --

awaiting the dragon

to appear on the darkened scene.

Flaming, roaring,

the dragon tears through the trees

coming into view.

The brave man quickly looks down 

at his breastplate.

There is a heart etched into the metal . . .

After a long battle,

the mighty beast lays dead.

It was treacherous,

It was painful,

but now the deed is done.

exhausted --

I slump to the floor --

paint brush dripping red.

White Rabbit (by Megan)

I stare.
I stare at the cold, hard ground--
And wish myself below.
I look up--
Black.
All I see is black.
All I feel is black.
All that touches me
Is black.
So, so black.
"Stop!"
I scream into the darkness.

A white rabbit bolts past
a heavy, in-scripted stone.
I stop.
I ponder.
And I begin . . .
I begin to see.

The frightened animal comes near,
beckoning me to look up.
And when I do
The sky lightens.
I can see the sun.

When I stoop down,
the rabbit is gone.
In it's place
is something pure,
something white,
something wanting to be held.